So, I am beginning the third decade of my life on Saturday. Josh and I are celebrating by having dinner at Mahogany and then going to see Phantom of the opera from seats that don't require binoculars. He's the best!
Well this occasion absolutely needs a new dress of course. I went shopping today by myself which was superb... or so I thought. I should remark that Annabelle is not one of the normal two year
olds who scream to leave and go home while I am shopping. She prefers to join in on ALL the fun including taking off all of her clothes while I try on clothes.
Anyhow, I was at Ross dress for less looking for deals. I tried on one navy blue dress that was really cute and thought that this might be the one. But I had two more to try first. I tried to pull it up
and it wouldn't budge. OK so I put on e arm through the hole and tried again.
Nothing.
HMMM I thought. This will be a challenge. I removed bulky upper undergarment hoping for more leeway but to no avail. I start to panic and break out into a sweat. I pull it back down and call Josh from the dressing room to tell him that I was stuck in the dressing room and could not get this dress off. We had contractors at the house at
the same time so he was stuck. So I hung up
and tried a couple more times with no success. Finally I sheepishly went to the fitting room attendant
and announced that I could not remove the dress. (mind you this dress was not tight overall, just in one vital spot) She looked at me
incredulously with a "Really?" So she called over three other girls
that worked there and explained my problem to see if they had any other ideas. One of
the geniuses asked of there was a zipper I said "no" and she said are you sure? ( Oh wait I neglected to check that simple fact before I came out to embarrass myself to strangers) then she asked of I had anyone with me. ( YES of course but it's way more fun to ask a stranger to strip me down that a close trusted friend or family member!!) I said "no or I would have asked for their help". Eventually the original woman that I had spoke to came back and helped me get it off. I did not buy that dress and they have a lovely story to tell there friends about.
Well that should be the end but it's not. After that I went to the mall still in search of the perfect dress. Since
Dillards has a reputation of having great sales on formal wear I thought I would try there first. The escalator that goes up was being worked on so I thought "eh, how hard can it be to go up the down one?" i am
stoopid. I started going up the down escalator in
flip flops no less so I am not being remotely quiet. I should also add that this is
happening right in front of the makeup counters (AT
DILLARDS) After taking a few obnoxiously loud steps as I bounded up
every other step I thought maybe I could be less conspicuous if I took the stairs one by one more quickly. It did not work. By now I was so deep in the shit, I figured it was time to bite the bullet. No, not go back down publicly admitting my error in judgement, but I went back to my loud
every other step bounding until I made it to the top. I could hear
the men
that were working on the other escalator laughing and when I got to the top I turned my head slightly so that I could confirm that yes, they were indeed staring at me. I then tried as hard as I could to hide that fact that I was way out of breath and began to calmly walk off as if nothing remotely strange had just happened.
So on to the biology lesson WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS THE WORDS PENIS AND VAGINA!!!
Annabelle randomly came up and grabbed my clothed person in an inappropriate manner. I stopped her and said "you don't grab mommy's private area" She then pointed to her private area
and said this my private? I then realized I had given a vague term to that which I promised never to do so I said that is your vagina. She looked up and pointed to me and said" you have
gina?" I said yep because we are girls. She looked over Josh's way and said "daddy have
gina?" I said no, Daddy has a penis because he is a boy. She cocked her head
and thought for about ten seconds
and then said" I like cereal." The moral of this story, If you don't make a big deal about body parts kids won't go around singing
gina and penis songs.
